


Quiet Whispers In The Dark

by audbooh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, F/M, Fluff, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo Weekly Challenge, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 20:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16333130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audbooh/pseuds/audbooh
Summary: "Kylo observes the flashing lights around him, wondering whether the people shuffling around him knew of the turmoil swirling in his brain. He couldn't keep this up for long. Every time Rey's lips trailed down his skin, he had been bursting with the need to say "I love you". It would be a mistake, a betrayal of their unsaid contract. And yet, he did love her. He loved her so much. He loved her laugh and her smile and her will and her stubbornness. He loved every single part of her, and it hurt more than the lightsaber wound she had given him."Betrayal. Kylo Ren knew it well. But what happens when he betrays the one he cares for?Written for number 23 of the reylo weekly challenge on tumblr.





	Quiet Whispers In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> check out my tumblr to see the accompanying fanart: auds-writing

Kylo feels Rey's arms wrapped around him. The light of the city shines through the window. This backwater planet's city never sleeps, and so light illuminates the hotel room they're in.

  
It was a blur, how they got here. A Force bond that turned into a meetup. Flying to this planet. Rey's hands tangled in his hair as they kissed passionately. Laying next to each other, revelling in the feeling of Rey's naked body next to his. Another Force bond, another meetup. It became normal, their meetups. As she liked to call them. He never thought of them as quick sex. He was certain she did, though. After all, they never spoke to each other about Crait. About the throne room. She had said herself, this was just simple need. Just simple attraction. Never past that. Kylo knew why she said it was only attraction. It was the same reason why he would never admit to her that he loved her.

  
Because they were afraid.

  
Kylo pulls Rey's arms off of him, knowing that she liked him to be gone by the time she wakes up. He slides on his clothes, glancing back one more time to see her peaceful face. Her beautiful face.

  
He opens the door, locking it behind him. Dawn is just starting on the planet, yet there are people everywhere. He weaves through the foot traffic, walking towards the nondescript shuttle he took here. His TIE Silencer was on a planet nearby, with a farmer that he paid (or bribed) to keep quiet. Kylo observes the flashing lights around him, wondering whether the people shuffling around him knew of the turmoil swirling in his brain. He couldn't keep this up for long. Every time Rey's lips trailed down his skin, he had been bursting with the need to say "I love you". It would be a mistake, a betrayal of their unsaid contract. And yet, he did love her. He loved her so much. He loved her laugh and her smile and her will and her stubbornness. He loved every single part of her, and it hurt more than the lightsaber wound she had given him.

  
Her lips were a poison to him, making him think thoughts he never would've contemplated before her. As Kylo walks towards the shuttle, he remembers the feeling of her hands tracing his spine, her grip on his body, her lips on his. Kylo was being torn apart with a need. A need for her.

  
Rey had conquered the Jedi Killer, the Supreme Leader. She just didn't know it yet.

  
Kylo steps into the shuttle, glancing at the sleek black walls which seem to reflect the light around it. The shuttle's decoration is the opposite of the soft colours of the hotel room. Two different parts of Kylo's life, modelled by two rooms. He walks towards the cockpit, tracing his hand across the walls. He falls into the chair, wishing that he could just stay in the hotel room. Instead, he puts on his mask of indifference, burying the nights with Rey deep in his head.

 

* * *

 

 Rey slams his back into the wall, and Kylo moans as she quickly begins to undo the clasps keeping his tunic together. He keeps his hands on her hips, letting his mind go blank as she quickly pulls off his tunic and undershirt. Her hands slide down his chest, and Kylo tries to reach towards her shirt. She paws his hands away, and he moves back to her hips.

  
Her lips kiss him, and he feels like he's being drained of all darkness. His lips tingle, and he cups the back of her head, pulling her towards him. She abandons his belt buckle and tangles her hands in his hair. They kiss passionately, without thought, and Kylo finally utters the words he's been wanting to ever since they started these illicit meetups.

  
"I love you," Kylo says, and Rey pauses. She pulls away from him, and he leans forward to catch her lips in his once again. She walks backwards, a mixture of horror and another emotion on her face.

  
"What?" she asks, and it's only then that Kylo realises he said those three words aloud. Usually, he would say it in his head as she entwined their bodies together. Kylo has made the biggest mistake of his life. But it's too late now.

  
"I..." Kylo starts, but the words fail to come to him. Rey stands, aghast, then she straightens her hair and clothes.

  
"I'm leaving," Rey says, and Kylo reaches out to her before dropping his hand.

  
He has betrayed Rey. And he knows it.

  
Kylo watches silently as Rey packs up her stuff. She furrows her brows as she gathers her things into her arms. Rey walks towards the door, looking back to see Kylo, still half-undressed.

  
"You broke your promise, Kylo," Rey says, and Kylo nods solemnly. Rey's expression relaxes, then she slams the door behind her.

  
As soon as she's gone, Kylo's mood shifts from apathetic to angry. He yells, then starts to punch the wall, not caring that his knuckles start to bleed. His stomach tightens, and he itches with the need to slice through machinery with his lightsaber. But one of the rules was that they leave their weapons in the shuttle.

  
He continues to punch, pain searing through his hands. He's torn off the skin by now, but he doesn't care. An unstoppable force rises in his throat, and he lets out a feral scream. Finally, he pauses, cradling his knuckles to his bare chest as he breathes heavily.

  
Kylo collapses to the floor, tears falling down his face. He shakes with the effort of his sobs, wishing he could travel back in time and fix his mistake. But he can't.

  
With effort, Kylo rises to his feet. He grabs his undershirt and tunic, pulling them over his head. His knuckles sting, but he revels in the pain. Pain is supposed to make one stronger.

  
Kylo doesn't feel very strong. No, he doesn't feel strong at all.

 

* * *

 

He's sitting in his room when the Force bond opens up. Usually, with their meetups, the bond is sedated. This time, the Force seems to strike upon his broken form.

Kylo drops his eyes to the floor, hearing Rey's breathing echo through the room. He dares to peek at her form.

  
She's tinkering with machinery, sitting criss-crossed with her back to Kylo. Rey's concentrating as she puts pieces back together. Kylo can't help but admire her. Her hair, tucked behind her ears. Her spine, and the memory of his finger trailing down it. Kylo has missed her touch. He's missed her.

  
Kylo steps forward, his feet hesitant, yet at the same time very certain. His body is craving her, reminding him that when they are together, they dance in between bodies, their souls entwined.

  
A small voice in the back of his head reminds Kylo that it's not just his body that wants to touch her. It's him, too.

  
Maybe he's stupid, or maybe he can't resist the voice in his head, but Kylo's mind is suddenly made up.

  
"Rey," Kylo says, and Rey's body tenses as she continues to work. Silence fills the room, and Kylo knows she isn't going to speak. So he says nothing, instead choosing to sit next to her.

  
Her body seems like it's fighting itself. She relaxes for a moment, then tenses up again. Kylo wonders what's chugging through her brain. What is she thinking? He could never guess. He didn't guess that she would promise that he wasn't alone by the fireside. That she would come to the _Supremacy_ , fight alongside him. That she would refuse his offer, and run to her friends. Kylo could never predict what Rey would do. So he tried not to. Instead, he went along with her. He had stopped thinking with her. He had stopped thinking when she had first asked him to come to the hotel room. When she had slammed him against the wall, taking his innocence in her hands. He had never kissed a girl before her, never slept with a girl before her.

  
He had never been in love with a girl before her. Loving her was the worst mistake of his life. And yet, he couldn't stop. He dreamt about her, about her laugh and what their life could be like. If the war had never started if she had spotted him brooding on a street in Chandrila. If their relationship had been normal.

  
But it wasn't normal, it wasn't good, and Kylo would never be able to have what he wanted. So instead, he sits next to her, watching as she tried her hardest to ignore him. He stole little moments and locked them away, keeping them hidden from himself.

  
Rey's hands are dirty, stained with grease. She picks up a tool and starts to twist two parts together. It's only now that Kylo sees she's trying to piece the broken lightsaber back together. From how it looks, she had melted the hilt and created a new one, with a slot for the kyber crystal and two openings, one on either side. She had made a saberstaff. But the kyber crystal was nowhere to be found.

  
"Are you rebuilding the lightsaber?" Kylo asks. Rey says nothing, and Kylo accepts the silence.

  
The bond breaks apart, and Kylo can't tell whether he's relieved or sad. He's afraid that Rey will never speak to him again.

  
Kylo is afraid that his betrayal runs too deep.

 

* * *

 

 He's on the battlefield, watching as blaster bolts are traded between the two different sides. Kylo scans the field, searching for something that needed his skills. That's when he sees the traitor, confidence oozing out of him as he brandishes his blaster, waving his comrades forward.

  
_Not on my watch._ Kylo rushes forward, dropping his cape behind him as his feet hit the ground. He's running towards the group of rebels surrounding the former Stormtrooper. Red clouds his vision as Kylo remembers all that the traitor had done. He lets out a scream, holding out his lightsaber as he runs. Suddenly, a bright light darts out, and Kylo's run is stopped by the force of something blocking his lightsaber.

  
Kylo glances up to see Rey, a fierce expression on her face, as she blocks him with a shining new double-sided lightsaber. Kylo stares in awe at the magnificent construction of the lightsaber. Rey truly has a gift.

  
She leaves him no time to marvel. Rey starts on the offensive, swinging her saberstaff at Kylo aggressively. He jumps back, bringing his lightsaber up to block her attacks. It continues for a bit, with Rey swinging, almost wildly, at Kylo as he steps backwards. But Rey is careless, and Kylo soon finds the pattern in her swings. He steps to the side as she lunges, and Rey's caught off guard. She trips, but quickly gets back up again, yelling as she moves to attack him again.

  
Kylo had an opportunity to counter-attack, but he hadn't taken it. As he begins to block again, he inwardly wonders why. Then, as Rey brings down her saberstaff, Kylo comes to a realisation.

  
He doesn't want to attack her. He doesn't want the war to continue. All he wants is to lay in Rey's arms.

  
So, as Rey brings back her saberstaff to attack again, he shuts off his lightsaber. The crackling red blade retreats back into the hilt, and he holds it in his hands like it's made of glass. The entire battlefield goes quiet as Kylo gets to one knee, holding the lightsaber in front of him. He bows his head, not daring to say a word. His words had never helped him before, not when he first made the offer aboard the _Supremacy_ , not when he was in the hotel room, whispering his darkest secret. So he keeps silent, hoping his actions were enough.

  
His blood is rushing in his ears, and Kylo can barely breathe. He keeps his eyes trained on the grass, watching it wave in the wind. He starts to think that he's going to pass out.

  
A finger brushes underneath his chin, lifting it up. Kylo is forced to look into Rey's eyes. She had shut off her saberstaff, and it's hooked to her belt. There's a vulnerability in her eyes he had only seen in the throne room on the _Supremacy_. He holds his breath, his mind blank.

  
Rey's other hand grips his lightsaber, and she takes it from his hands. He drops his hands, acceptance flowing through him. If she decides to kill him, he would know it was because she thought it was right. Kylo only knew that he would die looking into Rey's eyes. He would die happily for that.

  
Rey points the lightsaber at his chest, pushing the metal into his tunic. Kylo doesn't dare close his eyes, but his breath comes out rapidly. And yet, there still was no fear.

  
Rey drops the lightsaber, catching Kylo's lips with her own. Kylo laughs inwardly, then wraps his arms around her. He lifts her into the air, smiling as she kisses him.

Everything seems okay, with her in his arms.

  
Kylo gently puts Rey down, arms still wrapped. She pulls away slightly, cupping his face in her hands. Rey leans forward, gently placing kisses down his scar. Kylo grins, rubbing circles on Rey's back with his thumbs.

  
"I love you, too," Rey says, and Kylo's not sure if his laugh is out of relief or happiness. He leans forward, touching his forehead to hers.

  
"I love you," Kylo repeats, and Rey's laugh is heaven to his ears.

  
Her smile is all he needs in life. She's all he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd hit a horrid bout of writer's block recently, and I decided to do a prompt! It really was a fun prompt, and I added my signature dash of angst. The sexy parts were a bit weird, as I've never written those, but then I thought "what would a pg-13 movie show?" that solved all my problems.
> 
> thank you for reading this! 
> 
> check out my tumblr: auds-writing


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